Kimberly Holman

There is something of my being, my deepest identity, that is hidden in Christ. 

You can look all you want. You will never see me, not the real me, not the deepest me, not God’s me.

I don’t mean to imply we don’t know each other at all.

But…perhaps we don’t know each other at all. 

I hope that doesn’t make you feel sad. It makes me feel…free.

In a way. 

It means the surface identity that most of the world sees is simply that – a surface identity, nothing more. It’s the instrument by which I navigate my world. It’s the acceptable stance I’m allowed to take.

Okay, I give. 

It is a little sad. Will we ever truly see each other? Is it even something we can do? 

I have heard that mystics see things as they really are.

There have been times when I’ve seen things more clearly.

At those times things were quite wondrous, marvelous in fact. And I, well, I felt open, alert, connected, in touch, alive, and at peace. 

I think it might be what the followers of Jesus were so excited about. They called it eternal life because of its endless circumference.

More than simply a moment in time, though, it was time itself. Not fathomed the way we typically fathom time – always looking at our watches for permission to eat, to sleep, to show up. 

It’s a different kind of time, an endless time.

Eternal life.

Honestly, we should give ourselves more of that.  

But we’re so consumed in the name of consumption. So involved with our many involvements. So caught up in a web of responsibility and obligations.

And yet…

And yet, you, you God, have made me to lie down in green pastures. You lead me beside still waters. You restore my soul. 

Yes, you even lead me in paths of righteousness because it’s important to show up in the world with kindness and mercy. Please forgive my many failings in this regard.

Help me, also, to remember my calling. 

To remember the stillness of waters that run deep. 

To remember the green pastures with their soft blades of grass. 

To remember who restores my soul and to allow it.

I open my heart now to receive all instruction, all wisdom, all mercy, all love. For in doing so my soul will be restored and my feet will walk these righteous paths with joy and with contentment.

Thank you, God, for holding me in your loving arms where I am truly hidden, perhaps even from myself. 

And that is as it should be. For now. 

Amen.